I have been thinking, and I noticed that from my experiences I often encounter myself living in a paradox. At the same time that I love big guys, and especially the ones with big rounded bellies, also I observe a deep concern for their health condition.
Now, it’s important to say that this feeling might change according to the circumstances. Because chasers might behave and feel differently depending on if the guy is someone he is just having fun with or if he is really his boyfriend and they share a life together.
When it’s just fun, the chaser might think “the bigger, the better”. He might go for the biggest hardest rounded belly he finds. Because that is very attractive, of course! I get that! But let’s say you “can’t” say goodbye after you’ve cum because you are in a relationship with him?
And in that case, for chasers:
How big do you want him to be?
How often do you do outdoor activities together?
Do you do things out of the bear scene together?
Do you travel together?
Do you ever encourage him to have a healthier awareness?
Or do you just sit back, watch, and never seem to care if he is a strong candidate for a sudden heart failure, stroke or a peripheral artery condition, often on the legs?
Or just never really thought about these things?
Now you bears:
Did you ever have a chaser showing you these kinds of concerns?
Would you ever consider listening to your partner’s concerns?
Out of love, mainly for yourself and for him, would you do anything different to try and maintain a healthier lifestyle?
For both bears and chasers:
Eventually, what really keeps you together?
Is it just about the physical appearance or is it something greater that unites the two of you? Or both?
Personally, I have let all my boyfriends free to make their own decisions about how they should live their lives. I have expressed an enormous amount of love and acceptance to who they are. However, I am a positive progressor and I believe we can always do better and be better today, of what we were yesterday. So I have always encouraged and supported my boyfriends to be their best and feel at their best. Of course, taking limitations into account.
That’s probably one of the many ways in how I express my love for them.
Today I would like to comment on some “new” feelings I have been experiencing lately. And I believe that my preference for bears/chubbies/bigger guys is already very clear to everyone by now?
So, at the moment I am living in Cambodia for a few months for work. And we all know Asian gay guys are somewhat close to 95% slim? Maybe? I am not sure about the correct number, but the great majority of guys I see is slim. At the gym, there is only ONE big boy. And I try making eye contact to create a greeting situation to maybe start the acquaintance process going on? But it’s more likely that I have a heart attack there and he wouldn’t even notice my existence. So, my conclusion is, he is either extremely shy or I just assume he is straight.
Eyes gazing at the gym and I find myself trying to find which of the guys has at least a small bump on their flat stomach? Trust me! It’s not easy to find belies here. Go figure love handles.
But eventually, I did find one guy with a small belly and a cute smile too :) He would really look back through the machines. I thought: “You are flirting with me, babe!”. I would smile, he would smile back. We started saying “hi’s” and “how are you’s”. So one day I said more than just hi. I gave him my number. And until today I am waiting for his message :( Well, clearly the gym crush didn’t work.
And if there is something which is not chaser friendly this thing is called “Grindr”. I so much dislike this app! But in places like Siem Reap, even a chaser has to give in and complies with it.
FINE! I reinstalled it and very rarely would open it. Cause, really, what are the chances?
Well, one day I opened it and saw this very cute face. I thought: ok…?
I messaged the guy. We started chatting. He liked me too, apparently. Such a cute face. But of course, something had to go against the odds. He was on his way to the airport.
Really? Am I the only one?!
Probably not. But what surprised me is that he does NOT have a belly! He is a slim boy from Vietnam. We have been chatting since. I might have to go there for work, surprisingly. So yes, perhaps we will meet. He is very cute, I must say. But I feel very confronted with my own tastes. I know we change as we grow, but for a chaser to go for a slim guy? That’s a hell lot of a change! I am telling you!
I wonder if other chasers have ever felt the same type of confrontation?
Did you ever feel attraction for another slim guy?
How did you react?
Have you ever heard of this new chaser’s speech?
I know! This might sound a little bit awkward, but this is the same impression that I got when I first heard it. So now chasers want to grow up badly too. Desperately! They are no longer satisfied with the six-pack that they were given. For them, now it’s mandatory to meet some ‘beauty requirements’.
And if you’re wondering why on earth someone would do this, I’m going to give you a reasonable explanation: And I think part of this reason is because they are tired of hearing: sorry you’re not fat enough, or you’re not old enough, or you’re not hairy enough. So to compensate that, they are eating like pigs hoping that their Belly will grow. What a waste!
Ok! I will say it one more time, for those who didn’t read it yet. I think people should do the things they love in order to be happy, but trying to fit other people’s requirements just to be excepted in a certain social group for that matter I think it’s a little bit too much. Because what happen is, you will end up losing your own identity just for trying to be what somebody else thinks you should be.
Now, you should ask me: ‘Would you change anything in your body?’ My answer to that question is: – Absolutely not! Even if the guys I like tell me I’m not fittable for any particular reason, whatever that may be. In fact I think there’s nothing more attractive than the opposite of you, the contradiction, the contrast between two men. I think two bears together are just as boring as to chasers together. And this is only my point of you view, and we can agree to disagree.
However, for that reason, and I’m really sorry if I don’t meet any of your beauty requirements, I’m not going to eat like a pig just so you want me to grow my belly. Instead I will eat healthier and exercise as much as I can to emphasize the exciting contrast of my slightly smooth six pack with what I love the most – your hairy rounded big belly.
To have hair loss problems at a younger age these days is not anymore a surprise to anyone. Some, who are still not ready to accept this dilemma and who can afford, come up with a hair implant solution which is pretty common in countries in Asia. But the majority of guys who can’t be bothered less just suck it up and embrace the new look. Personally, some man really look sexy in it. Shaved head was always a hit for me, and a sign of primitive masculinity. Specially when they shave the head and leave the facial hair as a contrast. I find it hard not to find it charming to be honest.
One day, sonner or later, we men, might at any point get there too. If not hair loss than white hair. So start getting ready, shall we?!? Well… Can I maybe consider myself lucky to have an 83 yo dad with full hairy head? Hmm, only time will tell. But now living in Amsterdam I realized many men are naturally bald. What I didn’t expect was that one of these guys would propose me something quite unique, let’s put it that way.
Me and Henri started chatting as soon as I moved here. Cool chap. We exchanged numbers to get out of that #Growlr thing and become more personal. In fact, it all plays in our head. Because now he has my phone number we are closer? Maybe, but still we haven’t met. Or hadn’t met. Because the other day he invited me for a sandwich in a beautiful restaurant by the canal on a beautiful Dutch sunny day. I had nothing to lose so I picked up my bike and cycled to him. We hung out for quite some time actually. It’s really nice when you go for a sandwich date and, regardless of how you fee about each other, it’s still able to keep a good conversation going. I really admire that.
-One plus point for you Henri!
We said goodbye and a kiss. After that the days went by and we kept on chatting. One of the things he mentioned was that he had to had a haircut. I thought: -Yes, you do! But also I told him how more charming he would look and what my opinion was towards a guy who keeps his head shaved and tidy beard. He accepted my point of view and totally agreed with it. So much that he came up with this line:
-Why don’t you shave my head?
-Uh, I don’t know!?! 😳
-It’s easy, you will see.
-Ok, maybe I could try?
-I just should tell you I get really horny when someone touches my head.
In reality, I had never shaved anybody’s head, but myself. All I can remember is that once during summer I went to the Eagles Bar in New York and they had a barber inside the bar with a chair and everything and he would charge to treat the men. He was a proper barber though. But it all came to me how sexy that look was when I sat there with my beer watching him shave those men’s head. Maybe I did want to be him that day? Maybe I did get horny too? Well, back to Amsterdam now, as I have just been offered to make my forgotten desire come true. It was a bit hard to match the free time but luckily today it all workout out fine.
-So what time are you coming to my house?
-In like 30 minutes I’m there.
-Perfect! Everything is ready for you.
I got there and hello kiss. Eye concat was really on fire. And I thought I was a bit anxious and feeing unquiet. I was a bit nervous, but I would never back off a challenge like that, plus I am a man of a word.
-Come to the bathroom with me I’ll show you everything.
-Let’s do this!
-I will sit on this stoll and I think from here you can easily reach the sink and the shaving tools, right?
-Hmm, yeah. I guess I will figure it out.
-Great! I will go get ready and have a look at the cooking chicken I left in the stove for a picnic.
I was already so hungry by the time that I got there and all, that the only thing I could think of was eating that chicken. But withing my hungry thought he came at the door only in underwear. And I thought: -I am even more hungry now! 🙈 Never mind. He sat there and I showed me how the clippers worked and i watched silently only nodding my head. The start was easier than I thought.
-You have really soft hands, you know that?
-Thank you [smiling]
-Still, just be careful cause this clippers are really sharp.
-No worries, I will be extra careful.
Every now and then he would stare at my eyes and I only knew he was looking because it was hard to miss those big blue eyes, but at the same time I couldn’t look away and lose concentration. I was to concentrated to look away, yet I smiled and he smiled back. We built trust on each other and, if I can say, some sort of strong intimacy too. I finished clipping the hair really short and put the machine off as I was done with that part. His leg was in between my legs and As I turned trying to reach the water on the sink and make my hands wet all my side torso was fully exposed to his face. So much I could fee his breath on my side abdomen.
-You have a great body!
-Thanks. [eye contact]
I was too concentrated on what I was doing and I didn’t want to hurt him but he would stare so deeply into my eyes that I had to smile and look at him. The water was body temperature as I put gently around his neck and ears. At that moment he closed his eyes and really let go off himself into my hands.
-Oh man!… You have no idea how this feels.
-Yeah? Does it feel good? [massaging the head]
It’s crazy how close you can feel to someone when you touch their head. We were pretty close there. He put his hands on my legs and every time I reached for more water he would touch up a bit more. My bum was supper hard but maybe from concentrating so much and flexing to reach more water and shaving cream. He opened his eyes while I held his head and I could not help but to kiss him. I could not stop it. It just happened that way.
-Take your shirt off please.
-I can’t, my hands are occupied.
-Sure, I will help you.
-Can I do your beard?
-You can do anything to me babe.
I wasn’t going to shave his beard, but it needed a line trim on the sides and also to shorten the mustache lip line. But in order to see from a good angle he had to look up to much and still wasn’t enough. So I sat, naked, on his leg. At this moment I started to get hard. It was so hot there was no way to hold back. We kissed again. In fact, we kissed all the time, in between laughs and comments. We were really comfortable with each other. I perfectly draw a natural line going down from his thick sideburns down curving and pointing towards the back of his ear. Then I draw a straight line from there around his neck meeting at the other side. I am perfectionist in everything I do. Beards, hair, mustache, sideburns, I like to take my time to do it. And it didn’t seem that strong leg was bothered by splitting my ass in two and handeling the wait of my body. With the scissors I drew his lip line. It was a bit challenging because he would not refrain from kissing me.
-Do not move your face abruptly like this! There are times when you can move! For example when I reach the sink for water, etc.
-Ok Boss! [smile]
I was feeling like I could give orders already [smile]. Of course in a funny way. I just didn’t want to hurt him or cut his lips. But anyways, I quite liked the shape of his lips that was hidden under the hair. After I fineshed he looked even more handsome.
-Are you finished?
-Yes, I am. [smile]
-Can I kiss you now? [naughty smirk]
-Yes, you may!
One of these days I was scheduled to go to Barcelona for work, on a Friday. And to be honest I would do that flight any day of the week. One must be crazy not to like Barcelona, specially on summer AND on a Friday! For innumerable reasons. One of them? The man. 🐵😍🐻🇪🇸 #vamos
Anyways. So as anybody else, I did try my luck and set my location to #bcn on #Bearwww on my way to the airport. You never know what can happen, and it’s really no harm letting people know you’re around. I just didn’t know the replies would be so quick. I reached the aircraft and:
-Hola, que tál? [smilly face]Even if I was not really supposed to, I would once and again check on my phone. I wouldn’t miss a message like that from a very Guapo charming Spanish man, and so wouldn’t you!
-Muy bien, gracias. [smilly face x 2]
Me with my “kind of broken” Spanish, thanks to auto corrector, we started chatting and getting to know each other. I told him what he was very handsome and he replied the compliment with just as same interest. I told him maybe we could grab a drink in the afternoon after work. Thinking he had no clue how far I was, but still on my way to make it.
“Boarding has been cleared, passengers are at the door”
I thought: -Fuck, now I have to put this phone down and get to work. As I get out of the bathroom and glance at the air bridge I can see from a far distance this big boy coming up, wearing shorts showing off his thick beefy hairy legs. And I though: -Oh God, here we go! No wonder why I like BCN fights, I said to my romanian colleague who was straight. He asked why having no clue what I was talking about. And I replied looking at the first customer saying never mind.
-Buenas tardes, Señor.
He looked at me, replied and smiled. He was actually very handsome too. And for my luck guess where he was sitting? Right on my area, which means I would have to serve him. And with pleasure. I thought: -This is gonna be one of those days where I drool everywhere and behave silly. But I was ready for it. It’s fun! Even if I get shy in these situations. Everybody else boarded the aircraft and a few other hotties went through but I didn’t bother to chase anyone because I was happy to serve the most handsome of all.
-Señor, te gustaría algo para beber?
I offered him everything. I mean… not that! You dirty mind! I mean service wise. He wasn’t a pain of a customer like many. In fact he was extremely polite and would always smile when I offered him something. While falling for that smile I would remind myself: -This guy is probably married with kids and stuff, I don’t know why he keeps smiling away. Throughout the whole service was like this. He had the most beautiful hazel nut eyes, a charming smile to die for, and every time I had to lay the linen on his table I wished I could slide my hand in between his shorts and feel his hairy legs. Oh man! I was dreaming, but very professional and didn’t let it show. I’m thankful we are given freedom of thought and we can dream anything we want without offending others. And those dreams will be ours forever.
The service was finished. He was well fed. I tried to chat a little bit asking about the dog picture on his phone. But I’m terrible to flirt when I am at work. So I let him enjoy his movie and locked myself in the toilet. Luckily we had wifi on that aircraft that day. And again I logged in, I wanted to check the message from the guy who was in Barcelona and had messaged me before take off man. I open my phone and I read his messages and the was one that said:
-What a coincidence!?! To happen on this flight?!? 🙊 At first I thought? -Wait a minute? Coincidence? What is this guy talking about? I checked his location and it also said Barcelona. But I didn’t count that, like me, he could also be physically somewhere else! I immediately went through his pictures again and guess what?!? Bingo! I couldn’t believe it was happening but the guy I received the message before boarding was exactly the same guy on my flight! Sitting on my cabin! On my area! I mean, what are the odds? Really!?! I was speachelles and astonished. And I didn’t even notice for once even this could be ever possible. How on earth? No, it didn’t occur to me. Why would it? How? But then I realized, on the other hand, he knew all along. And that’s why he was so kindly smiling at me! Damn! How naive of myself to let this one go unnoticed? I came back to my consciousness again and bursted out of the toiled and went straight at his seat and it was as if he was waiting for me. He took his earphones out as I rushed down the while, stared at me calmly and again smiled. I ran out my words for a moment lost in his smile and eventually something came out:
-How come what?
-Well you know!
-Tell me! [smile]
-Well, you texted me before coming on board. Where were you then?
-Yes, I was in the lounge.
-How did you know I was on your flight?
-I didn’t know, I was bored in the lounge and went online. I saw this young handsome guy…
-And I sent you a message. I thought you were in Barcelona as it says on your profile. [smile] then I came on board and there you were.
-Did you recognize me straight away?
-Oh yeah, I could tell it was you.
-Damn… I had no clue it could be you. But then now I know why you were smiling all along?
-It was funny to see you there. And to be served by you.
-I hope I did not disappoint?
-No you didn’t! [smile]
-Damn it … This is so embarrassing!
-No it’s not. It is normal. It happens!
-A coincidence like this? Never!
-Well, now it is what it is and here we are. And now we have a different relationship other than just employee and customer.
-Oh do we?
-Yeah we know things about each other, we are more intimate than that. At that moment he took my hand and caressed it gently… I pulled saying: -I’m at work Sir, if somebody sees this. He interrupted me saying: -Nobody will see nothing, I am only holding your hand. All I was thinking was I wanted to kiss him, right there. But I couldn’t. He felt the same. We chatted for the rest of the flight. And the problem was I had a plan of going out with my other colleague,who, by that time, knew what was going on.
We landed in the evening and Jose had to go to his place in Sitges and as he was tired, he didn’t want to go out. I went out with Lilly, who is a he, by the way, but by the name you can guess what kind of he. #snap! And so we had fun, we went out, we drank, we partied out. He kept making fun of me and my “daddy”, that I was not allowed to leave him in the night and go with my daddy. I wanted to punch him! [joke] but I did say, I hoped my “daddy” came and rescued me.
Oh well, the night ended. In the morning, still a bit hungover, I texted him and he took a while to answer. I fell asleep again. When I woke up he had answered but as I didn’t reply back he had made plans with his friends to lunch. It was a bit of badtiming with regards the communication. It never matched when I was online he wasn’t n vice-versa. In the end it was getting close to my flight back and we couldn’t meet up. Such a pity! He asked me to text him again next time I come back that he really wants to get to know me. I said I would. And I will. But now I have no clue when I will get to Barcelona again 😔 it was too good to be true.
This is the end of a beautiful unfinished story.
The reason why I decided to write this post is because there are so many misunderstandings and missed chances between guy who are totally into each other, but because a matter lack of paying attention to details and evidences they happen to never get the chance to meet and miss their chance. Ironically is that, maybe half of this guys, I get to catch them online, but after I am gone. Then I would say it is a bit too late. But not late enough to understand that there must be something wrong we are doing here.
Why can’t the guys that like each other meet?
The answer to that I think is a bit basic: They just can’t make a move! And when I say “can’t make a move”, I mean really it. And the excuses are:
1. “-I am sorry, I am way too shy to say hello”
If we all give these excuse and none of us act differently we will really never meet in person. I remember I was really shy too, but than I thought: “-Damn some guy manage to be extremely more shy than me!” And hey I was SHY! So I thought I had to chance that for the sake of taking the change as I had nothing to lose. So nowadays I will come say hello to whoever IF, at least you would look at me twice, or three times. I am just making sure here.
2. “-Were you looking at me? Really? You are so my type! How could I miss that?
Come on guys! How many times did you see me staring at you hoping that you would look back? NONE, obviously none. If you actually looked back you would be able to count. I believe the first demonstration of interest is when you look at something and you keep looking because something catches your attention. Now when I don’t see that look back I can’t help but to assume he is not interested. And don’t tell me it’s my fault that I look from a distance because I manage to go around you and sometimes buy a beer at the counter right next to you. And you wonder how could you miss me? Oh please.
3. “-But I did look back?!”
Uh, wait a minute?! When did that happen? Going back to the scene i can actually recall my friend telling me: “-No, wait! He did look at you.” And I am like #really? I am not convinced. “-Yeah he is actually staring at you behind your back. Every time you look away he looks at you” At first I thought this was a joke, or my friend trying to bring my self-esteem up. Of course I did not buy it. But what if my friend was right? Well if my friend was right than shame on you, you are cheating! How can someone look at the guy only when he is not looking and expect he will notice? Duhhh!
4. “-Oh, you are way out of my league.”
Ok guys, grab a chair, have a sit. (exhale strongly). Why, ON EARTH, would “ey” guy be looking at you constantly? And please, don’t give me that bullshit that I am way too young and handsome whatever and that I could have anyone and why would I want someone like you? Well honestly I don’t know why I like you. Ok! Uh, actually I do, but that is not the topic now. What matters is that that damn chaser, right there, can’t stop looking at you. And what are you gonna do about it? Turn around and panic and try to find a reason, other than simply he likes you, to justify the act? Oh, give me a break. Do you want to meet or not? Something’s telling me you don’t. And then you go home and look those guys online trying to get laid and think: “-Where is that boy? I need to send him at least a “woof”. He was so hot!” Man, you just ruined everything. I was right there in front of you. #Goddamnit
Anyways, what I am trying to say here is that if we would only give each other a try maybe things would be much easier and we would have many more encounters. I am not saying we would have more sex. Well that too. But mainly we would be able to meet other guys and talk, and give space for the less shy (me) to come and say hello, present himself, get to know each other and take it from there.
I remember staring at this guy at Sitges Bearweek, sept 2014, I was actually drooling. Fuck! And he would not look once man! Unbelievable! You can see that he feels he is being stared at but he won’t move his eyes. I just want to *throw my keychain at his head! Grrrrr! Ok I get it, I get it. He is a **LesbianBear and is just not interested. Fine! But what if he was actually interested but super shy? You know what I’m saying? Well if he was, now it’s too late and he is a loser because, out of everyone, I was really into him.
So, what are you gonna do when you see me looking at you and you count till three and I am still looking?
Thanks for reading.
*To throw a keychain at someone’s face is a joke I created in Sitges with my friends. Due to pickpockets all over the place I would have my key hooked in a long keychain around my neck. That night I was “fierce”, I really was, and I’d grab the key and throw at my friends in other to get them started. Obviously it wouldn’t hit them, but they would all laugh and try to catch it and think it was funny the way I did it. It was a good laugh.
**LesbianBear is a another specie of the many we have nowadays and I will talk about them sooner or later.
Off topic: Free of speech and support to all victims of 7th of January terrorist attack in Paris #jesuischarlie
One question? Who came up with these idea that stinky man is hot? I’ll tell you what. If it is hot, then I must really be a vanilla monkey from the old fisherman town of the country north side of Rio. Really, I would like to understand what is the real deal here. Cause it just sounds like poor hygiene, being a pig etc. Oh wait! Thinking about it, being a pig can actually be cool, now smelling like one? I am not sure?
Apparently a lot of guys really enjoy not showering and meeting other guys who didn’t shower too. Maybe this is the new trend? Is it because some of us just want to say they are “cooler” than others because they are more kinky, or risk more, or challenge life more or something? Or people are tired of being vanilla and just want to experiment the different? I personally think strong odor can really turn everything off. But I guess some believe it is hot, and that they will be sexually aroused by it, and that it’s sexy. Were you ever asked to post a used, sweaty particular sock or underwear to someone?
That being said, I must say that the original man smell, and when I say original, I mean no cologne or strong deodorant, that can be quite exciting yes. Because it is the smell that each of us produce. Most of all animals, if not all, are led by their own smell and mainly their partner’s smell. So I wont be hypocrite and say humans are different, because we aren’t. We can get turned on in many different ways through our senses, and one of them is by the smell. The smell of the skin itself. I think. Consciously or not.
Some animals can actually recognize their children by the smell, and the children can recognize their parents too. And that is done by instinct. Now you come and tell me that you’re not gonna shower and go to a bar and guys will think your more attractive because you smell like that? Fine. Who am I to tell people what they should feel attracted to? Everyday we learn something new I guess.
Nowadays people want to explore and create fetishes and innovate, nothing wrong with that. I even try to keep up with the new codes, and behaviors, and tendencies exposing myself to the new. But tell me: So Is it because the more animalistic and primitive we are, the sexier we will find each other? Is that how we get a change to explore our animal instincts more deeply? Remember that song? – “you and me, babe ain’t nothing but mammals so let’s do what like they do on the discovery chanel”.
Well, imagine if we really did it and ate our partner after mating like the Widow Spider? OMG!